Skip to main content

Posts

It has now been 278 days since my diagnosis.  Since that time, I have had countless doctor appointments, 6 rounds of what I like to call harsh chemo AKA a living hell (technical name: Taxotere), double mastectomy and reconstruction, continuous rounds of Trastuzumab and Pertuzumab, etc; I feel like I have experienced World War III inside of my body, at war to live. There is no pretty way to express what it has been like.  I have many down days of feeling overwhelmed with all of the changes that have occurred, and at times it's hard to motivate myself to do much outside of the norm.  However, I am thankful that I have been able to allow those moments to come and go.  I find that it's important that I remain honest with every emotion that I feel in order to maintain control mentally.  To simply expect yourself to not "feel" after such a traumatic experience is in itself crazy.  I feel most hopeful and gain the most strength when I am able to attach what I a
Post a Comment
Read more
Recent posts
"What About Your Friends & Gratefulness" On Jan. 25th I'll be 37 years old.  For some reason our culture encourages a person to deny their age or at least cling to the idea of being forever 21.  The irony is that you have the option to either get old or die.  I have been thankful for every birthday but this time around I am more grateful than I have ever been to have the chance to be here.  Lately I've had the feeling that time is standing still and I look around and I am grateful for the small things.  I'm challenging myself to be more aware and to be fully present.  I am thankful to breathe in fresh air whenever I go for a walk, I am thankful for the random hugs from my son,  I am thankful for time spent with my mother, I am thankful for the extra care and dedication shown to me by my boyfriend, and I'm thankful to my friends and family for always showing up and reminding me that I am never alone. I can remember the vision I had for the pho
2 comments
Read more
Do you understand "The Fight?"  I am now halfway through my chemotherapy treatments, which means I only have 3 more to go!  While everything in me is happy about the decreasing number of treatments remaining, I have found that the actual "Fight" has become much more intense.  What does it mean to "Fight" this disease? I have found that the "Fight" exist mainly within my ability to will myself towards positive thoughts when I feel like literal hell as the chemotherapy does what it's created to do.  My outward display of positivity has gone through the filter of my heart, mind, body and soul before it has been allowed to radiate outwardly to what most of you see.  I remember the high anxiety I experienced before my last treatment.  I felt like each of my legs weighed 1000 tons as I walked myself inside the treatment center.  I felt as if I could already feel the side effects, I could taste the medicine, I could smell the drug
Post a Comment
Read more
Facing My Fear of Hair loss.... A few days ago, I woke early in the morning to use the restroom and as I gently grazed my hair, it began to come out from the root.  I knew that this moment would come but it is a total shock to the system.  I wept uncontrollably, unable to catch my breath at times.  I had just hoped that I could be that one in a million who didn't lose their hair to cancer. My hair has been my crown for so long that I morned the loss of my identity as I had known it.  I wanted nothing more than to just accept it, but it was hard.  I know that at the end of the day, this is just a part of the journey, and I gave myself permission to be sad and afraid if that's how I felt.  I am not a fan of suppressing my true feelings. I believe that you have the right to "feel" and process your way through it. Nonetheless, after the tears, I made the call to my mom and my cousins.  I simply said, "Tonight I have to let it go!".  By the time my mothe
5 comments
Read more
As I prepare for my second round of Chemotherapy treatment, I remain encouraged!  The tumor has already decreased in size tremendously from just the first round!  So, in all that I'm about to face it has already proven to be worth it!  There were so many lessons learned from the first time in just learning just how much my body would change so quickly.  I can no longer eat the things that I once loved.  I learned to take it slow and with a lot of trial and error and support from my family, we worked it out! Some good o'l Turnip Soup from my Aunt Mary, and Vegan dishes from my Cousin Billie have turned out to be what jump started me into being able to actually eat and recover! September 12, 2018 was the first day of treatment for me.  I have so much to share in the days leading up to my first treatment to come in a later post.  I must say it all felt and continues to feel like a blanket of God's love and grace helping me to get through this.  Something very special
4 comments
Read more
02-Oct-2018 Hi Everyone, By now you have hopefully read my post and have viewed the YouTube video informing you of my condition.  I knew from the very beginning that somehow I would share my journey but I prayed for a way to do so in a purposeful manner and I'm thankful for the vision and the people who love me that helped me to execute it!  I want you to be inspired to take the time to be concerned about YOU.  I am learning what it means to do just that!  As you can imagine hearing the words that "You have cancer" is life altering.  I felt like I was living someone else's life.  Like, "me?"..."come again say whaaaa?".  I could not think straight and could not eat well for at least 5 days after finding out.  Everything felt like absolutely nothing at all.  That is the best way to describe it.  What I can tell you is that going to Church, singing songs about healing etc; is one thing, but to be faced with a choice to believe in what you have been
2 comments
Read more