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Do you understand "The Fight?" 






I am now halfway through my chemotherapy treatments, which means I only have 3 more to go!  While everything in me is happy about the decreasing number of treatments remaining, I have found that the actual "Fight" has become much more intense.  What does it mean to "Fight" this disease? I have found that the "Fight" exist mainly within my ability to will myself towards positive thoughts when I feel like literal hell as the chemotherapy does what it's created to do.  My outward display of positivity has gone through the filter of my heart, mind, body and soul before it has been allowed to radiate outwardly to what most of you see.  I remember the high anxiety I experienced before my last treatment.  I felt like each of my legs weighed 1000 tons as I walked myself inside the treatment center.  I felt as if I could already feel the side effects, I could taste the medicine, I could smell the drugs, and I anticipated the dread of feeling nauseous.  It can be a dark place within to realize that all you can do is move forward and live or stay stagnant and die.  Your only choice is life or death, it is not a game.  Sometimes it's like who in the world came up with the idea to use pink as a symbol for this disease when in reality it should all be black everything.  In these moments of going back and forth within trying to find the "Fight" I have to continuously choose hope for myself.  I have to make the decision to care for myself as much as I would a newborn child.  If I feel sad, I feel sad.  If I feel joy, I feel joy.  If I feel scared, I feel scared.  The key to the "Fight" is moving forward even with everything pulling you in the opposite direction.  Who am I if I do not have hope for myself or others?  When October is done, I, like many others will be continuing on in this journey.  We come in many different shapes, sizes, back grounds and ethnicities.  What brings us together, is that after we have gone through this battle, we are never the same.  My hope is that we all consider a little more of what exits in "The Fight" and what it takes to will yourself through the battle.  May it inspire compassion and consideration for one another in the deepest way!


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